wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
