I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
