I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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