there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
