Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
