We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She announced her abortion via fbk
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
