If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
