i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
