Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
