I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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