Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
