i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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