I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
