ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
