he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
