STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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