Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
