New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Your cock deserves a montage
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
