Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
