You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So squirting runs in the family.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
