he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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