i jhust puked up my retainher.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize