I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
