WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
