I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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