Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
