i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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