the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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