I think I died a long time ago.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
