yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
false alarm. still invincible.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
