Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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