if i can run in heels then i can drive
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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