Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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