you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
