He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
