I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
