I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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