I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
