I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
