Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
