Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
