SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
