Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
