apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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