I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
