recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
