Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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