sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
