i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
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