doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
