My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
