i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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