mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
