Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
