I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
a search helicopter?!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
