if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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