so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
