Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
