You're completely useless in the revolution.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
