Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
