so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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