Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
