I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
