the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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