I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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