I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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