: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
