so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
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being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
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My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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