she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
