peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
