Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow

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(734): is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow http://tfl.nu/rth3

Replies (4) Good night (1389) Bad night (572)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML

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(202): i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML http://tfl.nu/7ngy

Replies (4) Good night (1251) Bad night (578)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

what's the vibe there?

(917): View more from New York City

extraordinary amounts of gine

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(814): what's the vibe there? (917): extraordinary amounts of gine http://tfl.nu/dj53

Replies (11) Good night (1913) Bad night (648)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.

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(715): went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower. http://tfl.nu/u1zb

Replies (22) Good night (8037) Bad night (1357)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.

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(612): Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever. http://tfl.nu/d9v5

Replies (8) Good night (3188) Bad night (823)
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(917): View more from New York City

It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.

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(917): It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met. http://tfl.nu/1axf

Replies (21) Good night (4652) Bad night (1247)
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(513): View more from Ohio

Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.

(1-513): View more from Ohio

Not having phil's child is good enough.

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(513): Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize. (1-513): Not having phil's child is good enough. http://tfl.nu/zrt3

Replies (19) Good night (6455) Bad night (997)
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(206): View more from Washington

This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate

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(206): This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate http://tfl.nu/vfhs

Replies (6) Good night (2421) Bad night (1642)
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(573): View more from Missouri

We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.

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(573): We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition. http://tfl.nu/1p20

Replies (7) Good night (2127) Bad night (918)
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(940): View more from Texas

Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.

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(940): Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line. http://tfl.nu/5wo4

Replies (5) Good night (874) Bad night (1759)
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(845): View more from New York

Just got motor boated by a horse in the street

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(845): Just got motor boated by a horse in the street http://tfl.nu/nm8s

Replies (9) Good night (1689) Bad night (878)
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(289): View more from Ontario

Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.

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(289): Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel. http://tfl.nu/rxj6

Replies (8) Good night (1014) Bad night (905)
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(301): View more from Maryland

Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES

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(301): Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES http://tfl.nu/onhh

Replies (5) Good night (940) Bad night (344)
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(818): View more from California

You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers

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(818): You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers http://tfl.nu/8klr

Replies (3) Good night (850) Bad night (408)
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(815): View more from Illinois

His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.

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(815): His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water. http://tfl.nu/symz

Replies (1) Good night (830) Bad night (309)

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