in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka