It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off