I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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