does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I need a burrito and a hug.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars