if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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