Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
