how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
