I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
